Make Driving Less of a Debate
Just like adolescence, the first battleground of aging is independence: driving, money, and decisions. For teens, it’s the push for freedom and autonomy; for aging parents, it’s the fight to hold on to what’s slipping away. Both stages are marked by tension, negotiation, and deep emotions.
Talking to an aging parent about tough topics like stopping driving can feel impossible. Cognitive decline affects their ability to reason, making it hard for them to understand the risks. The result? Confusion, resistance, and heightened emotions on both sides.
In our TEDx Minneapolis talk, we described this as the Adolescence of Aging, a season when parents and adult children are renegotiating roles. Just as a teenager doesn’t want their independence limited, aging parents resist losing control of the very things that define their freedom: the car keys, their checkbook, or the ability to make their own decisions.
Here’s the hard truth:
Taking away driving feels like taking away freedom.
Limiting financial control feels like stripping away dignity.
Shifting decision-making feels like erasing identity.
No wonder the conversations are so charged.
The key takeaway: when facing these difficult moments, compassion and patience matter most. Rather than leading with restriction “You can’t drive anymore” lead with understanding and alternatives:
Driving: “I know how much you love getting around on your own. Let’s look at ridesharing or community transport so you don’t feel stuck.”
Money: “You’ve always been good with your finances. Can we set up systems that protect you and keep you in the loop?
Decisions: “Your voice matters. Let’s talk about how we can keep you involved, even as we plan for what’s ahead.”
Framing the conversation around their independence instead of their decline can soften resistance and preserve their sense of autonomy.
So let me ask you have you had one of these conversations with your aging parent? About driving, money, or big decisions? What worked for you? Let’s share ideas and learn from each other.
Looking for more support while navigating the squeeze? Grab a copy of our book Thriving in Chaos: Navigating the Challenges of Aging Parents on Amazon. Join the conversation and stay connected with us atPeopleInTheSqueeze.com.
