Navigating “Doing it Anyway” with Love
You’ve seen this before, but with your teenager, not your aging parent. The defiance, the insistence on doing things their way, even when it’s dangerous. Only now, instead of sneaking out at night, they’re refusing to give up the car keys after near misses. They’re insisting on using the stairs instead of the elevator, even after a fall. They’re sliding down basement steps on their bottoms only to find they can’t get back up when a tornado warning hits.
This phase, the Adolescence of Aging, is marked by a deep resistance to change, especially when it threatens independence. Just like teenagers, aging parents don’t see themselves as fragile, and they don’t want to be told what to do. But the risks are real, not just for them, but for others. Confrontation often backfires, so a different approach is needed. Instead of demanding, “You have to stop driving,” try, “Let’s find a way to keep you mobile without the risk.” Instead of forcing a walker, talk about how a walking stick could add stability. Small shifts in language can preserve their dignity while keeping them safe.
If you’re struggling with an aging parent who insists on doing things their way despite the risks, you’re not alone. This stage is tough, but there are ways to navigate it with patience, love, and practical solutions. If you can use humor or even ask questions about what your parents are hoping for. If it’s too tense or hard for you, perhaps a peer of your parents or an in-home health care professional may be helpful. Just having the conversation can improve the outcome versus ignoring it because it’s hard. Let’s normalize, we don’t have it figured out and model for others, this can be tricky and sticky, but not impossible!
What’s one challenge you’re facing right now? Let’s talk about it in the comments.
Looking for more support while navigating the squeeze? Grab a copy of our book Thriving in Chaos: Navigating the Challenges of Aging Parents on Amazon. Stay connected with us at PeopleInTheSqueeze.com. You can find us on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube @peopleinthesqueeze. Tune into the People in the Squeeze podcast wherever you get your podcasts.
